Project X from the last Snail Mail letter is halfway complete. I finally finished the stage it had been perpetually stuck in for the last eight months, and now it’s time for the next step before its final stage. Sorry, not sorry for the vague description of the project. Over the years, I’ve learned that some tasks are better left in a state of ambiguity to the outside world in order to avoid any self-congratulatory sense of fulfillment from the act of discussing a project and not actively working on it. Aquarius problems.
I also finished reading the California Voter Guide, and my ballot has been successfully delivered to the almighty voter counting people.
In September, I read the book “Talking With Strangers” by Malcome Gladwell which was a major accomplishment because I never finish a book in one month. It takes me three months, at a minimum, to get half-way through any book. The speed reading is also a testament to the compelling content of this non-fiction novel. As the title suggests, the book outlines how difficult it is to communicate with strangers. The techniques or evidence we use to navigate honesty and good-intent within people is inherently flawed because our mode of operation that helps us function as a society is ultimately the cause of our dysfunction.
Speaking of dysfunction, by early October, I was feeling like a gnarled doll strung out on cortisol, adrenaline, and caffeine. Thankfully, my scheduled PTO came right as my fuse hit full burnout. On the first day of my vacation, I was in such a state that I had an anxiety attack as I physically didn’t know how to turn-off and relax. Fortunately, with the help of a cemetery visit and my skateboard, it was able to overcome my inability to surrender to serenity before heading to Sedona for a few days of pandemic friendly activities.
Now, I’d like to acknowledge that I’m aware of the fact I’m incredibly lucky to be able to afford to take time off of work, have a job to take time off from, and be able to afford an adventure that allows for pandemic-friendly excursions. It’s been a challenging year for everyone. Santa is delivering collective trauma for Christmas this year. And I’m trying to make sure I’m doing the best I can with the tools and privileges I have at my disposal. I find taking your blessings for granted and being the martyr no one asked for is incredibly insulting to humanity. Live life fully, filled with love for yourself and others.
Love sometimes looks like horseback riding in the Arizona desert.
I returned from vacation feeling connected to my spirit. Able to approach life with a regained sense of self, which ultimately led to me finally accepting I need professional help to work through some emotional and mental blocks. I’ve been exploring my options this past week, and then last night, during my Full Moon ritual, I pulled three tarot cards that all confirmed I’m on the right path and have discovered that right person to work with as I figure out what it is I want out of life, and work towards clearing the path to achieve it. After a month of watching “The Vow,” you would think I’d be hesitant to invest in my personal growth – but nope, sign me up. Plus, the tarot cards said it was a sound investment – so there’s that. But really, it’s my husband who’s support has made me feel truly confident in this next journey I’m about to embark on.
I continue to be shocked and amazed by the endless support and love he gives to me as an evolving person. He advocates for my health and mental-wellbeing, and I’m beyond grateful for the warrior I married. We celebrated three years of marriage in Sedona, been together for eight years, and as cliche, as it may sound, I do keep falling more and more in love with him each day.
Well enough of the gushy stuff –
There are only two more months in 2020, and there is some shit I’d like to accomplish before the end of this dumpster fire year. So until next Snail Mail, I’ll be over here getting shit done.