📷 : September 1, 2020 – Self Portrait
Blanket Fort Adventures is like a software that is always open and running in the background.
Here I am again, writing my monthly Snail Mail, aka Editor’s Letter for Blanket Fort Adventures. I almost wasn’t going to write this letter reflecting on the past month. Not because the past month was exceptionally bad or boring. I just feel called to focus my energy-elsewhere, but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m not upholding my commitments. And I don’t want to be ok with accepting that feeling anymore. When it comes to committing to a personal goal or being consistent with something outside the realm of my career, I am terrible. I am the first one to let myself down. But I’ve been actively trying to break that this year, and even have a life coach developed mission statement that opens with, “my purpose is to honor myself through the commitments I keep.”
At the beginning of this year I wanted to take a self-portrait on the first day of every month and write an accompanying life update. Surprisingly, I’ve been consistent. Even in June, I was three weeks late to the Snail Mail letter – but I took my portrait on the first day of the month and eventually wrote down my reflective-thoughts for the internet.
Snail Mail scratches a vulnerable, self-reflective, oversharing itch I have. Opening up my energy to be channeled into more interesting or valuable efforts, like interviewing people and writing irreverent lifestyle content around art, music, media, and whatever else strikes my fancy.
Now, I can proudly say that since January, I’ve published more posts than 2019 and 2018. Posting is up by 71% in 2020! I’m really proud of the content and consistency. It’s an area I’ve struggled with, and I seem to be finding my stride. Then I found myself debating if I should even write this letter because although my little site is finally gaining some momentum, I want to put on the brakes.
Not for the rest of 2020, but the next five weeks at least. I have an offline project I’ve been trying to finish for YEARS, and I want to finally tie the bow. I can only do that if I give it my full attention. Also, with the election coming up, I want to read and understand all 112 pages of the California General Election Voter Guide. I can’t do that if I spread myself too thin.
Blanket Fort Adventures is like a software that is always open and running in the background. I’m looking for people to interview. I’m thinking about possible blog content. I dream about it growing and finding its unique audience of people who appreciate the films of John Waters, just as much as Legally Blonde. It’s my little creative outlet and safe-haven.
However, if I’m going to have the energy to accomplish what I need to before the November election, I have to force quit this program. This isn’t a letter to tell people why “I’m going to be gone,” I don’t think anyone is coming here regularly with their cup of coffee in the morning (although that’s a nice thought). Instead, this a letter to assure me that it’s ok to step away. This time is not like the last times where I’ve lost motivation and am struggling to keep my commitments to myself. No, I’m actually super motivated, but I know that there are more pressing concerns in my life at the moment. And I’m stepping away because I’m being more honest with myself. Breaking the burn out and grind culture narrative that says I’m a failure because I can’t ACCOMPLISH IT ALL in a 24 hour period. Instead, I’ve developed the wisdom to know what is required of me to achieve my goals, and my capacity to work towards that on a daily basis. Right now, I need to finally finish Project X and learn up on the California General Election.
So, something has got to give.
And with this, I remove the guilt or idea that I’m being inconsistent.
A monthly Snail Mail and playlist is a commitment I can stay consistent with for right now, and once I’ve completed my other projects, I can start building this online zine.
Can I call this an online zine? I don’t really identify with the idea of a blog or bloggers. That’s why this is an irreverent lifestyle blog for people who still read – yeah, sounds like an online zine to me!
So with all that said….
August was pretty positive for me. I was able to identify the source cause of some suffering, and by being able to identify the root, I could finally devise a plan to reduce said suffering.
I fully vedged out for the first time in months, where all I did was watch TV and shop for vinyl stickers on Etsy. I also got the lock from my storage unit, finally sawed-off (the key was stolen back in April). All in all, I survived August and came out a little older and a little wiser.