In my early twenties, after my best friend and I had been lamenting to each other about some frustrating or heartbreaking issue, we came up with the “One Day To Wallow” rule. We had decided to allow ourselves 24 hours of pure wallowing. We could drink to oblivion, emotionally eat, cry our eyes out or curse the heavens and basically feel sorry for ourselves in any way we felt fit. Then the next day, we had to let it go. That thing that was eating away at us and taking away our happiness, we had to let it go. Every time the issue presented itself to us, we had to be strong – we had our day to wallow now it was time to carry on.
I’ve kept this one day to wallow rule to this day, even when I don’t realize I’m phoning it in. Yesterday was a wallow day. I’m putting my dog of 16 years, who is 17+ to sleep this week. Her health has significantly deteriorated over the last 2 weeks to the point that my fiancé and I are now certain this is her time. As he put it, “we 90% know it’s her time, that 10% will drive you crazy and only make her suffer.” It’s time to let her go with dignity. I won’t go into her health, because the internet has a lot of opinions and animal lovers have even more opinions. Just know we have worked with our vet on managing her wellbeing and have followed his advice on knowing when it is time.
Letting go of my baby Mystie is not easy, but it’s a part of owning a pet. It’s a part of inviting any loving person or creature into your life. Love is a bright beautiful light, and when it’s taken away it’s like we’re lost in the dark. My one day of wallowing is a way to remind myself to not get lost in that darkness, whatever it may be caused by, and look up to see the other bright lights of love surrounding me. Yesterday, I emotionally ate and drank until my belly hurt. I let myself swirl in the darkness till it brought me no comfort. This morning I woke up and took Mystie outside and we sat in the sun for an hour until I had to go to work. For the past few days I’ve traded my workout hour, for fun in the sun time with Mystie. I looked up at the sun and clouds asking for peace, for acceptance. Today I don’t have any desire to abuse or feel sorry for myself due to my lack of control over the natural cycle of life.
Instead, I’m sharing my one day to wallow rule. In case anyone else needs permission to wallow, but tomorrow you HAVE to keep going and surround yourself with light until the darkness fades away.