redefining wanderlust

a life blog by Bekka

Posts for dating

OUR LOVE = HEALTHY + EASY

Bowerbird and I hit our one year anniversary this month. He is my one and yes he is saving up for a ring. But what makes it monumental for me, aside from finding the love of my life is he is my first love. I’ve never been in love before, and he agrees that he thinks I’m his first love. {Although he did think he was in love with other ladies in the past, I won’t hold that against him}

My relationship history is less than stellar, the break down is as follows. There have been a dozen guys I was only with for 30 days. {The 30 Days Curse} One bore of a relationship that lasted three months. It was one of my first relationships and although two months in it was begging to end, I tried to hold on to it with WAY more strength than it deserved. Fast forward to 3 years and I met the boyfriend before Bowerbird. The relationship was a learning experience to say the least. Sadly it was dysfunctional, unhealthy, and although he had bad news written all over him I chose to ignore it. Distracted by own things going on at the time, I was focused on building my professional career and continuing my life in the art world. Distraction which fortunately were protecting me from getting consumed by his darkness. We were together for six months. Six months of red flags and excuses. At the end of it, I left with a few emotional scars, but I’d like to say I’m a fast learner and created a laundry list of things I DIDN”T WANT and MUST HAVE in a relationship.

Then fast forward 8 months and I met Bowerbird and that love story…well you can sort of read about it in the past blog post. Now a year later we are still together and incredibly happy. The key to our happiness? Not sure, but we sure do communicate really well with each other. Everything is transparent and I tell him exactly why I am acting a certain way or feeling a certain way. There is no guessing games or mind reading expectations. Our love is easy, being his girlfriend is really easy and him being my boyfriend is super easy too. Also, although I might be crazy sometimes and he can be too; we seem to work it out in a really healthy way. {Get the barf bag ready} We have still yet to fight.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about today. A lot has been going on in June with my health and mini revelations about the great friends I have in my life. And I want to share it all! But felt like explaining where Bowerbird and I are in a relationship was the best way to start.

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It all TERRIFYS ME, I’m just a silly scaredy cat!

I’m dating a boy! Well more of a man, he is a decade older than me after all. But the same guy I wrote about months ago, in my I Like You post, the one I texted at Coachella in my moment of clarity. Well I wrote him this letter, after a very long story that I’ll keep mostly to myself, but that letter changed everything. And now, for the first time, a guy that I thought I had no chance with; well we are actually dating. We are enamored and smitten. Last Friday we went to see Pisces together (see below video) and I was nervous he wouldn’t like the music, so he wouldn’t want to go. BUT GUESS WHAT! He was open to going to the show, pay to go to this show of a band he didn’t know, and all because he knew I wanted to go cause I wanted to dance.

Yeah, I have some bad habits to unlearn, or bad expectations. It’s interesting how we can so easily be trained to expect the worst, when it’s supposed to be normal for a fellow to WANT to go to things his gal. Wants to go REGARDLESS if he really wants to or not, but go because he gets to spend time with his gal. There are a list of things I don’t ever want to feel again when it comes to matters of the heart, like the hot burn of off and on rejection. Happily I don’t think I’ll be feeling rejected, no not from him, not like that.

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